I love women but I had a problem. I lived in constant fear that I could never commit to one woman in my life. What? Just one woman for an entire lifetime? Is that even possible?
So this fear consumed me for a long time and it seemed to get bigger as I got older. So even though I was married I figured it was just a matter of time before I added to the statistics of breakups, divorce and kids here, there, everywhere. Why would my story be any different? What was special about it? Society has done nothing to calm my fears. We are constantly reminded than most relationships will in breakups or divorce. So as far as I was concerned there was nothing special at all about my story. It was going to be a story with the same ending and fate like all our stories before me, like the stories that I have heard about so many times in my life.
My family history told me it was expected that sooner or later I will just wander off into the wilderness. It’s in the blood. I remember some chats with cousins over the years and we would laugh off this issue. She jokingly remarked that this is what the men from our tribe or of our totem behaved. It was their nature. Is this not what it is to be a man? To have a girlfriend on the side, to have a few kids somewhere out there? Was it not expected of a man that sooner or later he will wander in a relationship, that it is just a matter of time. That it is really about when and not if. Is this really what it was about to be a man? So I was doomed wasn’t I? Trapped in a self-fulfilling prophecy with no escape.
But something happened. I experienced something that changed the course of my life. Things would never be the same.
This fear which I had has over time been transformed into a deep confidence. The confidence that I can be a stable and loving family man. And this is the reality I try to live in my life.
I met a lovely girl, very intelligent, sweet, warm, she knocked my socks off. She has encouraged me constantly to be the man I was born to be. I will always be grateful to her. I love you Nothando.
So if being a man is nothing like what I had feared for so long, what does it really mean to be a man? My good friend Chada Blessing Mutambara wrote that a male does not become a MAN when he fathers a child. Rather, he becomes a man when he becomes what God wants him to become. A responsible man. Husband to one wife.
A true father to his children and a model man to aspiring men. From this I ask you a few questions. Are you a responsible man? Are you a model man to other men.
Ladies and gentlemen, all things are possible. I have come to believe that God makes all things possible. Boys can become men, responsible fathers and leaders in communities. Having children I discovered something that most people already know about children. Children pay far more attention to what we do than what we say and even more importantly they copy it. They are so good at picking up double standards especially from their parents. So if we want to raise strong upright men, we have a much better chance of achieving it by trying to live this way ourselves. Hopefully our children through seeing this constantly it might become second nature for them.
As Tafadzwa Mombeshora reminded me it is a sweet moment when a man realises who he truly is, when a wonderful queen comes and calls out the king in him and he starts walking in the truth of who God created him to be.
I no longer live in fear. I am no longer a slave to fear. I am now a child of grace. I live in victory. Curses are broken and promises fulfilled.
We are not bound to any paths taken by those who have gone before us. We have the power and ability to find our own path, to chart our own path in life and create a new future for ourselves. Nothing is cast in stone in life. Your story can turn out very differently. We have the power of choice and the choices we make in life can have a profound effect on future generations. Do not despair or lose hope because of the past.m
Gentlemen, I invite you on a journey. A journey to unleash greatness in ourselves. Let’s channel that greatness into our families, our work, our everything. This greatness is not something we must go somewhere to find but it lives in us. However, we have to bring it out into the world and share it with those around us, people in our lives.
Start walking and living in the truth. May you find the strength to be the person you were born to be, not a shadow of someone else.
It is written that the mind human is corrupt beyond all things and cannot be understood. But the mind is also capable of amazing things, love, goodness, nobleness.
You too can live in victory. You can do it. We can change the course of history for ourselves and for our children.
Let us treat these ladies in our lives like the royalty that they are. We do not touch them except with love. We should not shout at them but speak with gentleness. They are nurturers to be treated with kindness We make feel special not just on their birthdays but every day.
Gentlemen, let us be beacons of hope wherever we go. Stand up and be counted! Be a game changer in your family and community. Be a source of hope and inspiration to those people around you.
Let’s be history makers in our country, shining bright stars that illuminate everything we do. This is my hope and my prayer. You can do it. Remember that all things are possible.